Almost ten years ago, I met the man of my dreams and made a decision that would change my life completely. I packed up my life in Chicago and moved to New Zealand. Eight thousand miles away from everything I knew. Looking back now, after nearly two years of marriage and building a meaningful life on the South Island, I can say it was the right choice. But getting here was messier than it needed to be, and I made a lot of mistakes that made an already overwhelming transition even harder.
If you’re planning a faraway move, here’s what I wish someone had told me.
Research Your Destination Before You Go
I didn’t research New Zealand at all before I moved. My reasoning was absurd in hindsight: I was afraid that finding something negative would cast doubt on this huge life decision. I wanted to protect the decision I’d already made, so I simply refused to learn anything about my future home.
That’s a terrible way to approach one of the biggest changes you’ll ever make.
When I travel for pleasure, I research extensively. It helps me get the lay of the land and gets me excited about what I’m about to see. Not doing this for my new home left me feeling disconnected and confused once I arrived. I didn’t know where anything was, what the local customs were, or even what kind of weather to expect. That initial disorientation stuck with me longer than it should have.
Do yourself a favor and at least watch some YouTube videos, read a few blog posts, or buy a guidebook. Knowledge isn’t going to ruin your excitement. It’s going to make your landing so much softer.
Don’t Skip the Exploration Phase
Out of necessity, I jumped headfirst into “normal” life after I moved abroad. My partner and I continued working, bought a car, and moved into an apartment all within the first month of stepping foot in New Zealand.
Weekends were for errands, not exploring. With no real adjustment period, life felt bogged down by normality pretty quickly. The enchantment of being in a new place vanished before I had a chance to savor it.
I wish I had planned a few weekends away to explore or at least taken a week off to discover my new home before I jumped into the day-to-day routine. That business advice about planning applies to life transitions just as much as it applies to work projects.
Build Your Professional Network Early
I worked remotely for an American company when I moved to New Zealand, so I felt set on the job front. It wasn’t until I was looking for a new job a year later that I realized I knew no one in my field and didn’t have a clue who the desirable employers were.
This was especially tricky in New Zealand, where I’ve discovered who you know can be much more important than what you know. The professional culture here is smaller and more interconnected than in the States. I started attending networking functions and reaching out to people on LinkedIn for coffee catch-ups, and that eventually paid off for me. But I wasted a whole year feeling professionally isolated.
Start building those connections as soon as you arrive. Even if you don’t need a new job yet, you never know when you will.
Find Your Own Friends, Not Just Your Partner’s
Making friends as an adult is hard, and if you moved with a partner, you shouldn’t make the same mistake I did and rely entirely on their friend group. While a built-in friend group can be lovely, it’s important to find your own support network and seek out friendships based on common interests, not convenience.
Join a social sports team, sign up for an in-person class, or join Facebook groups for newbies in your area. I had luck befriending workmates after I started networking and reaching out to people with similar interests on Instagram. Now I have friends with my partner and my own friends I’ve met on my own, which gives a nice balance to my social life.
When I moved to New Zealand, I had no reason to leave my home. I didn’t do this, but if I were starting over again, I would sign up for some sort of class on my own. Cooking, art, exercise, all would have been great. Signing up for a weekly, in-person class gives you a reason to get out of the house and meet new people. At the very least, you might learn a new skill.
Embrace the Local Culture
New Zealand is mad about rugby. I knew nothing of the sport, and that had to change fast if I was ever going to fit in. Dressing up in the local team’s colors, attempting to understand the lingo, and cheering in a sea of supporters helped me feel a part of something bigger. It wasn’t about becoming a sports fan. It was about showing up and participating in the thing that brought the community together.
You don’t have to love the local sport, but finding some way to connect with the culture around you matters. It bridges the gap between being a outsider and feeling like you belong.
It’s Okay to Be Homesick
I masked years of homesickness, struggling even more around holidays when I wasn’t able to go home. Crying alone, I’d berate myself for being so sensitive and unable to enjoy the good life I had in front of me.
It took me years to realize it’s okay to be homesick, and it doesn’t mean you’re not happy where you are. When I’m blue, I try to honor what I need. Sometimes that’s surrounding myself with friends, a dip in the icy sea, or a quiet night with a book. It always gets better.
Missing home doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It means you have a rich inner life and meaningful connections worth nurturing, even from afar.
This article was originally published by Business Insider.
