5 Places You didn't Know you could Get Pierced

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Like most Americans, I'm tolerant of all lifestyles different from my own up until the point they gross me out. Want to get a bunch of tattoos? Fine, cool, just keep 'em below the neck. Want to wear Crocs every day? No worries homie, just as long as I can't smell your feet. Same thing with piercings: They're cool unless they're in one of these freaky places you didn't know you could get piercings.


I'm guessing this guy got his fingertip pierced so he could look extra cool while giving people the finger. But it brings up an important question: how does he type? Don't those metal thingies smack other keys? Good news, I have the answer: anyone who would get their fingertip pierced can't read.


What? Why? Why on earth would you voluntarily look like you were just eating metal salad and got some stuck in your teeth? I'm pretty sure the only people with tooth piercings are secretly aliens who don't understand eating. If you see someone with a tooth piercing, call the Men In Black post-haste.


This leg piercing looks like it was designed by the villain of a 1970s cartoon about foot racing. I refuse to believe any other explanation for this monstrosity. Either this guy can also launch tripwire and rockets from his shoulders so as to prevent his rival from beating him in the 500m, or all life is meaningless nonsense.


NO, DUDE. JUST NO. I've seen a subway rat throw another rat into an electrified third rail and eat it, and this picture is the worst thing I've ever seen. Eyelid piercings are way beyond "ick" territory and into "in order to understand a world where such a thing would exist I must throw away everything I believe in and start anew, huddled naked in the unfamiliar inky blackness of truth" territory. tl;dr: I don't care if you get your eyelids pierced because I know nothing anymore.


Swallowing food is for nerds. Be cool and get your uvula pierced.

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