According to many psychologists, we recreate similar models of entering into relationships. Each of them teaches us something to ultimately help us build a truly mature relationship.
Apparently, it is not only in fairy tales that there are lucky ones who hit the first time when they meet at school and then run through life together. It happens much more often that we find the "love of life" by trial and error. To facilitate this finding process, we must learn lessons from every relationship. We love, we break hearts — sometimes ours crumble, but they are still brave. If we draw conclusions deeper than "all men are pigs" or "all women are manipulative" from a completed relationship, we have a chance to develop, shape valuable independence, and finally create a complete, mature relationship. In many cases we recreate similar models of entering into relationships, and so they distinguished three most important relationships in our lives:
Romantic relationship. Often the first, youthful love. We fall in love, we idealize, we don't see the world beyond our other half and we believe that it will be like that until the end. But the famous "they lived happily ever after" is not heard.
It is usually a relationship that meets social expectations. We can show our love in front of friends or at a family party. How a relationship looks from the outside is more important to us than its internal quality. We often focus on the little things, we sacrifice our own principles for the sake of the relationship, because we strongly believe that this is how it should be.
Ultimately, such a relationship teaches us that it is more important how we are in a relationship than how we are perceived as a couple. We begin to understand that the longing for something to be "may not be fulfilled" for sure, and expectations instead of building — are a storm.
This second love is usually more complicated. Sure that we've done our homework after the previous mistake (note: it's better for ourselves if we don't see any stages in the category of failures), single women are looking for something completely different in the report. And they find. Usually a fascinating opposite partner. It is a relationship in which there is no shortage of emotions — manipulation and lies are present (but isn't that what we meant?). It's more of a drama with short breaks for good luck.
Again, our true feelings are pushed into something else — endless efforts to somehow keep a dying relationship alive. We learn the importance of a balance between give and take. And how inadequate passion is when emotional closeness is broken.
In a healthy relationship, you want to be there for the other, and the other wants to be there for you. However, a relationship is not healthy if you are the party that is always there for your partner, and when you are in need it turns into a ghost and disappears. Sometimes you can be the initiator and save the other.
The partner may insist on the other to save him by solving his problem or protecting him from the consequences of his behavior. But when you save the other systematically, you teach him that there is no need for him to change because you will always pay his debts. Nor will he learn from his mistakes.
If you save others, what do you expect from them? Thanks, appreciation, maybe also reciprocity. In a close relationship, this type of response will often be missed — especially if your partner is the recipient. Why? When you save others, you show some kind of control over them.
Over time, they may display feelings of resentment towards gemini man because of this. For the ineffable, silent message you give them is, "I'm better than you, and you can't handle it alone." So they can get discouraged, and you can get with them. I've also seen rescuers repeat this pattern with different partners. They seem to be attracted to people who need them.
Exhausted, we come to the conclusion that no one will take care of us as we do (luckily!), So we stop looking and waiting. Third love comes unexpectedly, but not "hurry up". It does not seem to fit our image of love in any way. It is far from perfect, but it is characterized by unprecedented ease and freedom. How smooth is it going! How easy it is!
At this stage in life, we no longer have any expectations. We don't waste time thinking about what qualities the love of our life should have or what others will say. After all, we are ready to accept our partner as he really is. And, just as importantly, our partner perceives us in exactly the same way.
The third love makes us realize that a successful relationship does not have to be perfect, and it certainly does not have to follow a specific scenario.
In order for the relationship you live in to minimize the potential for discouragement and bluff, you seek and desire the following: